Literally billions of people on this planet walk the slippery rocks of religion every day. There are thousands to choose from and each one seems to believe that they are right. But they can’t all be right so which religion is right? Is it the people wearing orange sheets and slapping their shaved heads or the ones riding pushbikes in suits and pissing people off in their own homes? How can we tell? They all sound perfect. How do we know which religion is right or more to the point which one is right for us? Well… If you’re a total fuckwit you would have already let your parents choose for you. but for those who have an ounce of common sense you would still be undecided. Why?

Because it’s impossible to know which religion is right for you unless you have tried them all. I’m talking all of them, every single one, and not just each Denomination but each church within each Denomination.

Unfortunately for me it’s out of the question because in my home town (Sydney) there are 1591 churches I would have to visit. Considering 90% of those 1591 churches only do their thing on Sunday and the fact that there are only 52 Sundays in a year it would take me 27.5 years of shit weekends to do so.
Yet if I was really serious about finding the right religion I would need to try each of the churches a minimum of three times just to be safe. That’s another 55 years of soul searching on top of the other 27.5 years.

With my work record it’s unreasonable to assume I would turn up to a church each Sunday for 82.5 years without having a day off. I think two weeks holiday would be in order and the standard 4 sick days per year would be expected. That however brings my church visits from 52 per year down to 46 visits per year but ads another decade to the overall time.

As I’m already 35 years old with 92.5 years of church going in front I would be dead before I got the chance to find out what was right religion for me so unless God want to give some type of written guarantee that I’m going to live to be 130 years old… he can get fucked.

Rank Fanktimus